First Heart-break.

It was a chilly morning. Venky and I got off from the school bus and slowly walked towards the foyer. The change in environment was startling. The gloomy air seemed almost tangible. I automatically glanced at Mrs. Bhan’s office and my heart lurched to see it empty. Her desk, laden with papers and many artifacts, the colorful calender and the momentos given by children, was gone. Rest of the furniture and beautiful paintings were gone, and most of all, the smiling face behind the desk was gone. Mrs. Bhan’s fragrance was gone and so was her warmth and love and motherly presence. Mrs. Bhan had left Pride Education!

Last month, on the day we had finished with the last paper of our half-yearly exams, we had all been ecstatic and were deep into deciding the venue of celebration, when we were puzzled to see a couple of junior teachers exiting from Mrs. Bhan’s office, wiping their eyes. As the day went by, we sensed that there was something going on around us. The air was dismal and the teachers’ hearts just didn’t seem to be in teaching that day. All around us, young students were delighted that they had got a surprise free period or how a particular teacher had not been in a mood to teach and so, gave them the permission to complete their other work.

 We  i.e Sakshi, Sonal, Pratishtha and I, caught Gopal bhaiya just as he was proceeding towards the foyer to ring the last bell of the day. Was it my imagination or even Gopal bhaiya seemed somber and depressed?

“What’s going on Gopal Bhaiya?” I asked as we crossed him on the way.

“Aapko nahin pata? (You don’t know?)”, he didn’t ask us what we were referring to but straightaway gave us the information which shattered the hearts of carefree sixteen year olds, “Mrs. Bhan is leaving the school.”

This time we did not laugh or joke or roll our eyes because looking around the silent corridoors, it somehow fit! There was too much seriousness and desolation in Gopal bhaiya’s words for them to be a joke.  We knew that it must be true! As he went on his way with his head bowed, we were at complete loss for words. The four of us just stood there staring blankly at each other. Everybody who was a part of Pride Education during our time can vouch that this was one thing which was just beyond belief. The idea of our school without Mrs. Bhan was inconceivable!

“It can’t be.” Pratishtha finally whispered.

None of us answered as we were all inwardly battling with our own baffled emotions. We slowly made our way back to our class to collect our things and informed Khushbu and the boys. As predicted, they laughed the idea off and assured us that it was a rumor but we could not make ourselves believe that. Hadn’t we heard the same thing from Mrs. Bandi a few days back? 

There was no after-exam celebration after school. We all returned home to mull over the worrieng information and however hard I tried, I couldn’t envision Pride without Mrs. Bhan. The moment I entered the house, I bombarded my mom with questions as ,her being a teacher at Pride, I had thought that she might have some idea about the matter. But she was clueless and had just heard the buzz around the school just as we had. She assured me that if there was some truth in this information, Mrs. Bhan would announce it herself in the teachers’ meeting which was to take place the following day at Dhar Kothi.

I called my friends and told them that we would probably know the truth the next day. I remember how hard we prayed and hoped that by this time the following day, we would be happy and relaxed and laughing at how worried we had got over an untrue piece of gossip!

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We didn’t have to wait for my mom to tell me anything about the “rumor” because Mrs. Bhan announced the shocking news herself in the assembly the following day. Right after we had sung the grace and the younger chilren had read bits of the national and international  news, Mrs. Bhan stepped forward to make announcements as usual. Today  however, she took a moment to let her eyes wander over the assembled students, took a deep breath and started speaking.

“Children, today I have to make a very important announcement in front of u all.” She said, “ It is very difficult for me to say these words and I am sure it would come as bit of a shock for all of you too…”

Around us, some teachers including Mrs. Ghosh had already started sniffing into their hankerchiefs. A shiver ran down my spine. Mrs. Bhan’s warm smile was missing from her lips and she continued gravely-

“…After this month ends, I would no longer be your head-mistress. Your school would have a new head-master and I will move abroad to USA , where I would be nearer to my family and to my grand-children. I am sure that you all would agree that they need my presence as much as you all do, isn’t it? So I hope all of you will understand and welcome the new principal in my place with due respect and enthusiasm.” she said, smiling lovingly at the front row which consisted of the youngest students  i.e  the fourth graders.

Her words were followed by a stunned silence. You could have heard the pin drop! And then, everybody started speaking at once. Students protesting hysterically,  some crying already, teachers unsuccessfully trying to calm their respective classes. When Mrs. Bhan kept her finger on her lips, as per the rule she waited for the anguished students to settle down but  none of the normal rules seem to apply today. Students were far from becoming quiet and continued to shout and speak all at once. As for me, I just stared and stared at Mrs. Bhan, unable to comprehend her words. I wanted her to shout at any moment “See I fooled you all!” or “I was joking! I can never leave !” but looking at the sadness in her eyes as she looked at the disheartened children, I knew those words would never come.

Finally, Mrs. Bhan took the mike in her hand and ordered the children to move back to their classes. Teachers , some strictly, some beseechly, guided their respective students to the classes. Mrs. Ghosh, still wiping her eyes, simply started moving towards the building and we followed her wordlessly.

Moments with Mrs. Bhan flashed in front of my eyes….

 The first time I had met her when she had taken my entrance interview at Dhar kothi.

The first time I had shyly gifted her a hand-made card on her b’day and she had hugged me, making me blush.

When she had walked in at Mrs. David’s grand-daughters christening , a small gathering at latter’s home where my family had also been invited and my jaw had dropped open on seeing my head-mistress outside the school’s premises. Looking at my nervousness, she had laughingly said,  “Hello Mallika, you are terrified to see me, aren’t you?”.  

When Khushboo, Mrs. Bhan and I had read Vikram Seth’s silly, unrhyming poem in which he compares a woman to a cow and Mrs. Bhan had muttered –“ I just don’t understand what he writes sometimes!” and all three of us had laughed and laughed.

When I had shown her a poem I had written for Mrs. Mulani’s English assignment and she had encouraged me to continue writing.

A single tear rolled down my cheek as I closed my eyes shut and I slowly wiped it away before anybody else noticed. We all entered the class and walked to our seats as if in a trance. For once, even the boys seemed speechless and sat with their heads bowed. Mrs. Ghosh sat heavily on her chair and finally Sonal asked in a whisper – “Did you know, Mrs. Ghosh?”

“We came to know about it yesterday in the meeting.” She said in a tiny voice, “ We knew it would have this effect on the students. Pride without Mrs. Bhan…” she shook her head and closed her eyes. She had not completed this sentence but we all understood. It was unimaginable! Simply unimaginable!

The days which followed next were the most difficult ones during our time at Pride. We wept and moped for two whole days after Mrs. Bhan’s announcement and after this initial shock, the whole school went into a silent stupor. There was no laughter or jokes or teasing, only teachers struggling to again engage students in the studies and the students harassing themselves with the discussions about Mrs. Bhan’s departure. One thing which we can very well realize now and could not at that time is that how difficult it must have been for Mrs. Bhan to maintain her composure at that time. To see such despair amongst the students and every single person crying and requesting her to stay.  It went on for days! How much control it must have cost that person who used to get emotional on seeing trivial things around her….

Once Sakshi and Venky had gotten into an argument and they had ended up destroying some of the class’s furniture. And Mrs. Bhan had cried! Our headmistress had gotten emotional  thinking that how could we not be a little considerate so as to take care of the things which we used.

Once she had cried when a special girl, whose eye-sight was a bit poor, had danced along with her class for the Independence day celebration.

She used to cry when we misbehaved, she used to cry when we told her that we love her. I remember getting amused as a little girl and wondering “Why Mrs. Bhan cries so much?” but today I get awed on thinking that how Mrs. Bhan must have held her own when everybody around her was hysterical about her departure.

We thought of approaching Dr. Bhan and asking about their sudden departure from school but everytime we saw him, looking grim, we lost our nerve.

Pride continued to grieve till finally the woeful day of Dr. and Mrs. Bhan’s departure from Indore arrived. We all went to her home to see them off and weren’t surprised to see the house swarming with other students and teachers. the luggage was being adjusted in the cab by the driver and Dr. Bhan was talking on the phone near the front door.

We made our way to where Mrs. Bhan stood. There were numerous people surrounding her. We could hardly speak to her and so, after greeting her and presenting her with the flowers we had brought, we waited out in the garden, each of us engrossed in our own thoughts. Pratishtha lost her control first as she had been associated with Mrs. Bhan the longest- since third grade, and then, none could stop our tears. 

We stood there wiping our eyes again and again till Dr. Bhan and Mrs. Bhan stepped out of the house, ready to leave. As everybody started to hug both of them goodbye, Mrs. Bhan finally lost her control and succumbed to tears.

We all cried hard as each of us hugged them for the last time before they sat in the cab. As it started moving , the crowd of students and teachers waved and cried out farewells till it rounded off at the corner and finally went out of sight. There were a few moments of  sorrowful silence after which the large group began to disperse.

It was tormenting to think that we would never see her Silver Ford Ikon enter the gates of the school again, that she would not be present there every morning to greet us before the classes start, that we would never read our lessons with her and underline the difficult words to tell her their meaning the following day and would never get a whiff of her perfume as she passed us at the assembly , her hands folded behind her back .

Her teachings continue to be rooted deep within us and our love for her glows inside us as strongly as ever with each passing day.

We returned home with our hearts heavy with a feeling of emptiness , not quite ready to face a new Pride the following day.